Until the past week or ten days, when night time temps consistantly got down to about 40, I had forgotten how much my knees hurt during the winter. It has become almost unbearable to place any weight on them and making it to the restroom is even becoming a burdon.
I did make the effort to go next door last night to have dinner with my wife and her family and, while the food and fellowship were great, I was forced to sit on my rollator because me knees just would not let me get up from their furniture (all of which is standard height) on my own.
Despite the knee pain I still stayed there until my back pain told me that I had already been sitting up for far too long and so I returned to the house. The pain kept me awake past 3:00 AM despite the loratab and percoset. .
My wife still has about a month of recovery ahead of her. I can't help but wonder how much time we will spend face to face during that time. If this level of pain keeps up then I can probably count those visits on one hand.
Being disabled and:or handicapped (I font even know how to classify myself) would be so much easier to live with if the reason fir the disability were not pain....
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
And the costs keep rising...
My wife spent 10 days in the hospital and I was only physically able to visit get twice.
Three days after she was released her dad suffered a massive stroke was hospitalized fir a week before being transfered to a rehab facility. I have yet to be physically able to visit him.
My wife is currently staying at her oarents house (she has been there almost 2 weeks) as she recovers from surgery and, despite the fact that she is virtually next door, the steps in the house combined with the low seating furniture cause do much knee pain (rising up from a low chair, sofa, or toilet) has kept me from staying over there with her or even visiting her more than a few times.
I don't know if my back pain or bad knees will ever allow me to do the things I would like to do. One thing I do know is that I will never again take for granted the things I now find difficult if not impossible.
It has been 6 months since I was able to work and a year since I was able to attend church regularily. If i weren't careful it would be so easy for depression to fill those voids in my life...
Three days after she was released her dad suffered a massive stroke was hospitalized fir a week before being transfered to a rehab facility. I have yet to be physically able to visit him.
My wife is currently staying at her oarents house (she has been there almost 2 weeks) as she recovers from surgery and, despite the fact that she is virtually next door, the steps in the house combined with the low seating furniture cause do much knee pain (rising up from a low chair, sofa, or toilet) has kept me from staying over there with her or even visiting her more than a few times.
I don't know if my back pain or bad knees will ever allow me to do the things I would like to do. One thing I do know is that I will never again take for granted the things I now find difficult if not impossible.
It has been 6 months since I was able to work and a year since I was able to attend church regularily. If i weren't careful it would be so easy for depression to fill those voids in my life...
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Cost of Disability
Anybody that knows me well at all can tell you how much my wife means to me. While we are just coming up on our 26th anniversary, we dated for 7 years prior to that which means that she has been the love of my life for 2/3 of my life.
The reason for sharing this is to shed some insight into just how "handicapped" I am.
My wife has just spent 10 days in the hospital during which time she underwent surgery. During that time I only managed 2 visits to the hospital.
Unfortunately those visits, on back to back days about a week ago, really caused a lot of pain for the next several days.
The increased pain caused an increase in pain meds which resulted in me getting "backed up" which only made the back problem worse.
So... For the past few days I have been dealing with that issue and 50+ trips to the restroom caused my knees to go on strike. Their union is demanding some down time to recover from the step in the bathroom combined with standing up from a low toilet multiplied by 50+ trips in a 2 day period....
At least my wife is no longer in the hospital.
Mobile Blogging from here.
The reason for sharing this is to shed some insight into just how "handicapped" I am.
My wife has just spent 10 days in the hospital during which time she underwent surgery. During that time I only managed 2 visits to the hospital.
Unfortunately those visits, on back to back days about a week ago, really caused a lot of pain for the next several days.
The increased pain caused an increase in pain meds which resulted in me getting "backed up" which only made the back problem worse.
So... For the past few days I have been dealing with that issue and 50+ trips to the restroom caused my knees to go on strike. Their union is demanding some down time to recover from the step in the bathroom combined with standing up from a low toilet multiplied by 50+ trips in a 2 day period....
At least my wife is no longer in the hospital.
Mobile Blogging from here.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I'd give anything...
Under normal circumstances the last place I would want to be would by sitting around in a hospital waiting room or in the room of a friend or relative.
I guess that us fir 3 reasons: time seems to go by so slowly that it stand still. There is also very little you can do for your friend or family member other than to try to cheer them up. And lastly you spend the eternity that takes place in that short visit to worry about that persin.
And right now I would give just about anything to go through that right now. My wife has been hospitalized since Rhursday afternoon ani I have only been able to visit her twice for about 4 hours each time before my pain became so great that I had to go home
Even now, almost 18 hours since my last visit, my back is hurting so bad that I can only sit up for short periods of time.
Despite how much I want to be with my wife I will probably be forced to stay home today and tomorrow just so I can be there for her when she has her surgery on Tuesday.
I guess that us fir 3 reasons: time seems to go by so slowly that it stand still. There is also very little you can do for your friend or family member other than to try to cheer them up. And lastly you spend the eternity that takes place in that short visit to worry about that persin.
And right now I would give just about anything to go through that right now. My wife has been hospitalized since Rhursday afternoon ani I have only been able to visit her twice for about 4 hours each time before my pain became so great that I had to go home
Even now, almost 18 hours since my last visit, my back is hurting so bad that I can only sit up for short periods of time.
Despite how much I want to be with my wife I will probably be forced to stay home today and tomorrow just so I can be there for her when she has her surgery on Tuesday.
Friday, September 25, 2009
I feel helpless....
My wife has been sick and getting worse for the last 2 weeks Yesterday went to the doctor and was hospitalized - something that scared her to death.
All this was made worse due to the fact that she was totally alone. I was in too much pain following a doctor's visit to go with her to the doctor or even visit her in the hospital.
I was fortunate enough to get a ride up here today but am unsure of how long I can stay before pain makes me return to the house. I may not even be here to support her when she has to make a life-changing decision involving surgery.
Don't think for a moment that my pain and disability is fake...
All this was made worse due to the fact that she was totally alone. I was in too much pain following a doctor's visit to go with her to the doctor or even visit her in the hospital.
I was fortunate enough to get a ride up here today but am unsure of how long I can stay before pain makes me return to the house. I may not even be here to support her when she has to make a life-changing decision involving surgery.
Don't think for a moment that my pain and disability is fake...
Monday, September 21, 2009
More of the same....
More insomnia
More back pain
More sciatic pain
More knee pain
More Lang teary days
More Misery all the way around....
More back pain
More sciatic pain
More knee pain
More Lang teary days
More Misery all the way around....
Friday, September 18, 2009
Misery
It has been a while since I have seen this particular movie but, if you have ever seen the movvie or read the book, there is one scene that you will never forget: the "hobbeling"...
In the movie a best selling author is in an accident and nursed back to health by a rather deranged woman who keeps him prisoner while forcing him to ressurect a favorite character that he had apparently killed off in his latest book.
As part of her efforts to keep him from leaving until he had finished his work she "hobbled" him by bracing his legs with a board and breaking both ankles with a sledge hammer. It is one of the most memorable movie scenes that I have ever seen.
What does all this have to do with? I will tell you. Any effort I make to "escape" my present situation my even getting up and around enough to take a shower and cutting my hair (a total of about 15 minutes) left my knees hurting so much that I felt like that same woman had taken the sledge hammer to me as well. My knees hurt so much for the next two days that I could barely make it to the bathroom even with the use of a cane.
I can't help but wonder what the future holds. The only thing that comes to my mind is "Misery"....
In the movie a best selling author is in an accident and nursed back to health by a rather deranged woman who keeps him prisoner while forcing him to ressurect a favorite character that he had apparently killed off in his latest book.
As part of her efforts to keep him from leaving until he had finished his work she "hobbled" him by bracing his legs with a board and breaking both ankles with a sledge hammer. It is one of the most memorable movie scenes that I have ever seen.
What does all this have to do with? I will tell you. Any effort I make to "escape" my present situation my even getting up and around enough to take a shower and cutting my hair (a total of about 15 minutes) left my knees hurting so much that I felt like that same woman had taken the sledge hammer to me as well. My knees hurt so much for the next two days that I could barely make it to the bathroom even with the use of a cane.
I can't help but wonder what the future holds. The only thing that comes to my mind is "Misery"....
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