Under normal circumstances the last place I would want to be would by sitting around in a hospital waiting room or in the room of a friend or relative.
I guess that us fir 3 reasons: time seems to go by so slowly that it stand still. There is also very little you can do for your friend or family member other than to try to cheer them up. And lastly you spend the eternity that takes place in that short visit to worry about that persin.
And right now I would give just about anything to go through that right now. My wife has been hospitalized since Rhursday afternoon ani I have only been able to visit her twice for about 4 hours each time before my pain became so great that I had to go home
Even now, almost 18 hours since my last visit, my back is hurting so bad that I can only sit up for short periods of time.
Despite how much I want to be with my wife I will probably be forced to stay home today and tomorrow just so I can be there for her when she has her surgery on Tuesday.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
I feel helpless....
My wife has been sick and getting worse for the last 2 weeks Yesterday went to the doctor and was hospitalized - something that scared her to death.
All this was made worse due to the fact that she was totally alone. I was in too much pain following a doctor's visit to go with her to the doctor or even visit her in the hospital.
I was fortunate enough to get a ride up here today but am unsure of how long I can stay before pain makes me return to the house. I may not even be here to support her when she has to make a life-changing decision involving surgery.
Don't think for a moment that my pain and disability is fake...
All this was made worse due to the fact that she was totally alone. I was in too much pain following a doctor's visit to go with her to the doctor or even visit her in the hospital.
I was fortunate enough to get a ride up here today but am unsure of how long I can stay before pain makes me return to the house. I may not even be here to support her when she has to make a life-changing decision involving surgery.
Don't think for a moment that my pain and disability is fake...
Monday, September 21, 2009
More of the same....
More insomnia
More back pain
More sciatic pain
More knee pain
More Lang teary days
More Misery all the way around....
More back pain
More sciatic pain
More knee pain
More Lang teary days
More Misery all the way around....
Friday, September 18, 2009
Misery
It has been a while since I have seen this particular movie but, if you have ever seen the movvie or read the book, there is one scene that you will never forget: the "hobbeling"...
In the movie a best selling author is in an accident and nursed back to health by a rather deranged woman who keeps him prisoner while forcing him to ressurect a favorite character that he had apparently killed off in his latest book.
As part of her efforts to keep him from leaving until he had finished his work she "hobbled" him by bracing his legs with a board and breaking both ankles with a sledge hammer. It is one of the most memorable movie scenes that I have ever seen.
What does all this have to do with? I will tell you. Any effort I make to "escape" my present situation my even getting up and around enough to take a shower and cutting my hair (a total of about 15 minutes) left my knees hurting so much that I felt like that same woman had taken the sledge hammer to me as well. My knees hurt so much for the next two days that I could barely make it to the bathroom even with the use of a cane.
I can't help but wonder what the future holds. The only thing that comes to my mind is "Misery"....
In the movie a best selling author is in an accident and nursed back to health by a rather deranged woman who keeps him prisoner while forcing him to ressurect a favorite character that he had apparently killed off in his latest book.
As part of her efforts to keep him from leaving until he had finished his work she "hobbled" him by bracing his legs with a board and breaking both ankles with a sledge hammer. It is one of the most memorable movie scenes that I have ever seen.
What does all this have to do with? I will tell you. Any effort I make to "escape" my present situation my even getting up and around enough to take a shower and cutting my hair (a total of about 15 minutes) left my knees hurting so much that I felt like that same woman had taken the sledge hammer to me as well. My knees hurt so much for the next two days that I could barely make it to the bathroom even with the use of a cane.
I can't help but wonder what the future holds. The only thing that comes to my mind is "Misery"....
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Overtime for the Piper
Well... I know that pain makes time go by slower but even so I think that piper I talked about in the past blog us getting overtime by now.
I know that I haven't helped matters by sitting at my laptop some this past week but this got real old a long time ago.
I have an appointment with the pain clinic on Thursday so hopefully we can reschedule that back procedure that had to be postponed last month.
Meanwhile I am back on the sleep Aida that don't work and only slept in 20-30 minute snatchs all night last night. I can only hope that tonight will be better...
I know that I haven't helped matters by sitting at my laptop some this past week but this got real old a long time ago.
I have an appointment with the pain clinic on Thursday so hopefully we can reschedule that back procedure that had to be postponed last month.
Meanwhile I am back on the sleep Aida that don't work and only slept in 20-30 minute snatchs all night last night. I can only hope that tonight will be better...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Time to pay the Piper
I have no idea what pipers charge for their services but I do know that I have to pay a price every time I try to get out of the house.
In this case I went next door to my in-laws house for a Labor Day cookout and, even though I spent the entire time reclined back in a recliner, the 4.5 hour trip resulted in my being in a great deal of pain (both in my back and knees) for the past 36 hours.
So... How long does this have to go on before the piper has his due?
In this case I went next door to my in-laws house for a Labor Day cookout and, even though I spent the entire time reclined back in a recliner, the 4.5 hour trip resulted in my being in a great deal of pain (both in my back and knees) for the past 36 hours.
So... How long does this have to go on before the piper has his due?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The Price of Freedom
I left the house Friday for the first time in weeks. I was forced to go to the bank as well as do some grocery shopping (if you call "sitting stationary in a wheel chair while my son ran around in Walmart with the buggy" shopping...)
We even stuck our heads into a real live restaurant - something I haven't done in close to a year. Not knowing how well the wheelchair would fit under the table, I made what turned out to be a horriable decision by choosing to walk in and use my cane. I should have known better since I hadn't put on my knee braces before leafing the house (having expected to spend the day in my wheel chair...).
The result of the trip was my back and knees hurting so bad on Saturday that I could hardly get any rest or even walk sturdy enough to make it to the bathroom and back.
I realized just how bad it was when, attempting to stand up from the toilet, my knee buckled and I almost crashed head first through the glass shower doors.
I guess it is things like that that the doctors and disability folks might find interesting....
We even stuck our heads into a real live restaurant - something I haven't done in close to a year. Not knowing how well the wheelchair would fit under the table, I made what turned out to be a horriable decision by choosing to walk in and use my cane. I should have known better since I hadn't put on my knee braces before leafing the house (having expected to spend the day in my wheel chair...).
The result of the trip was my back and knees hurting so bad on Saturday that I could hardly get any rest or even walk sturdy enough to make it to the bathroom and back.
I realized just how bad it was when, attempting to stand up from the toilet, my knee buckled and I almost crashed head first through the glass shower doors.
I guess it is things like that that the doctors and disability folks might find interesting....
Friday, September 4, 2009
Another sleepless night. Why?
On Wednesday night I took my normal meds along with one of my dwindling supply of Ambien CR and, although I woke up for about an hour around 3:00AM, slept for 9 hours. That is the mist rest I have gotten in close to 3 weeks.
Well, last night I took the exact same thing but only "slept" about 3 hours (off & on) before giving up and getting up for a while. I decided to try again about 6:30 this morning but only skeot in small bits at a time.
The only thing I can figure is that I had one remaining Ambien (not the Ambien CR) that got mixed up in with the rest of them and that must have been what I took last night.
I never realized how much I took sleep for granted until the past few weeks. I can barely stay coherant without it. Even these blogs require 2-3 edits sometimes....
Well, last night I took the exact same thing but only "slept" about 3 hours (off & on) before giving up and getting up for a while. I decided to try again about 6:30 this morning but only skeot in small bits at a time.
The only thing I can figure is that I had one remaining Ambien (not the Ambien CR) that got mixed up in with the rest of them and that must have been what I took last night.
I never realized how much I took sleep for granted until the past few weeks. I can barely stay coherant without it. Even these blogs require 2-3 edits sometimes....
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Insomnia, here I come (the rant is free...)
It has been a very dissapointing day for me. I have learned that, at best, my future consists of 13 more nights of a fairly decent night of sleep (something that cost me $60.00) followed by endless nights of only sleeping 2-3 hours nughtly - if I am lucky.
You see, it cost me $60 for 14 Ambien CR tablets to help me fall asleep and then continue sleeping despite the chronic pain that I continue to be in.
After those run out my PCP ( that stands for Primary Care Physician although I think the word "care" should be replaced with something else....) will only perscribe the same 15Mg tablets of a generic sleep aid that just doesn't work that well for me.
The weird thing is that the drug is slso available in 22.5 and 30 Mg tablets - and BCBS will cover me taking 2 a night if needed (at the huge price of $8.00 a month) and yet the doctor refuses to perscribe it.
I just have one question: How the HECK would he know? The last time I tried to see him in person (instead of one of his assistants) I made the schedule two months in advance and they "lost" the appointment and I ended up with the assistant anyway.
But I guess he thinks that sleep is over rated. Maybe I can have his answering service page him every 30 minutes starting about 1:00 AM (and do that every night for a week) and then see how willing he would be to discuss with me the need to sleep each night.
You see, it cost me $60 for 14 Ambien CR tablets to help me fall asleep and then continue sleeping despite the chronic pain that I continue to be in.
After those run out my PCP ( that stands for Primary Care Physician although I think the word "care" should be replaced with something else....) will only perscribe the same 15Mg tablets of a generic sleep aid that just doesn't work that well for me.
The weird thing is that the drug is slso available in 22.5 and 30 Mg tablets - and BCBS will cover me taking 2 a night if needed (at the huge price of $8.00 a month) and yet the doctor refuses to perscribe it.
I just have one question: How the HECK would he know? The last time I tried to see him in person (instead of one of his assistants) I made the schedule two months in advance and they "lost" the appointment and I ended up with the assistant anyway.
But I guess he thinks that sleep is over rated. Maybe I can have his answering service page him every 30 minutes starting about 1:00 AM (and do that every night for a week) and then see how willing he would be to discuss with me the need to sleep each night.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A dissapointing but successful experiment
I made a point yesterday to actually sit in front of it and use the keyboard for a while. I worked on some emails, did some online bill paying, and chatted with a friend. All together I was sitting up using the laptop for about 90 minutes.
The result of the experent was that the back pain began returning about an hour into the test and the sciatic pain teRed it's ugly head about 30 minutes later.
Both companiouns stYed with me well into the evening
Another bit of news: despite a screw up (at BCBS or the pharmacy) which resulted in me spending twice as much for only half as many pills, I obtained enough for 14 days so i actually managed to get 5 hours of sleep since 10:00 and the night is still young enough for me to try for more.
The result of the experent was that the back pain began returning about an hour into the test and the sciatic pain teRed it's ugly head about 30 minutes later.
Both companiouns stYed with me well into the evening
Another bit of news: despite a screw up (at BCBS or the pharmacy) which resulted in me spending twice as much for only half as many pills, I obtained enough for 14 days so i actually managed to get 5 hours of sleep since 10:00 and the night is still young enough for me to try for more.
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