Despite the good news that my wife was released from the hospital in time for Christmas, I feel like I've been in a train wreck. Between an 8-hour hospital visit on Monday and being up (as in upright) at my inlaw's house for about 12 hours today the result is that I can barely move. It will take me staying in bed from now until Santa slides down my chimney if I have any hope of making it through Christmas day...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Zombie Movies
While I have never been a fan of zombie movies, I have a nephew that loves them. From what I can tell they simply walk areund like they are sleep walking.
I think I would be great of that. I slept so little the past 2 nights that I fell into unconsiousness fir the better part of the day today. That part was made easier by the fact that I fell about 10:00 this morning and have needed several doses of pain pills throughout the day.
Between the meds and the use of a heating pad and ice pack I was able to stay close to being on the top of the pain but it hasn't been easy. Sleep has been the only relief I have gotten.
At the end of the day staying asleep is just impossible because pain wakes me up every 30-60 minutes. Right now for example I an having back spasms as well as sciatic pain in both legs. Not even the meds combined with my implant, and a heating pad are giving me any relieff.
Which brings me back to zombies. Do they feel pain as they sleep walk through their existance?
I think I would be great of that. I slept so little the past 2 nights that I fell into unconsiousness fir the better part of the day today. That part was made easier by the fact that I fell about 10:00 this morning and have needed several doses of pain pills throughout the day.
Between the meds and the use of a heating pad and ice pack I was able to stay close to being on the top of the pain but it hasn't been easy. Sleep has been the only relief I have gotten.
At the end of the day staying asleep is just impossible because pain wakes me up every 30-60 minutes. Right now for example I an having back spasms as well as sciatic pain in both legs. Not even the meds combined with my implant, and a heating pad are giving me any relieff.
Which brings me back to zombies. Do they feel pain as they sleep walk through their existance?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I feel like a movie star
A while back I seem to remember a movie being released called "Eyes Wide Shut." I think I will be the staring roll in the seguel. It will be called "Eyes Glued Shut."
I have already been practicing for the rill by putting up with dried tears glueing my eyelashes together every time I close them long enough to take a nap or attempt to sleep at night.
I guess it could be worse. They could just thicken up into gooey "eye boogers" like you see on babies that cry themselves to sleep.
Instead I have to clean the "sand" out of my eyes several tiles a day and often during the night as well. I may start sollecting it. After all it probably won't take but a month for me to have enough to fill in the pit hole in the road near my house.
I have already been practicing for the rill by putting up with dried tears glueing my eyelashes together every time I close them long enough to take a nap or attempt to sleep at night.
I guess it could be worse. They could just thicken up into gooey "eye boogers" like you see on babies that cry themselves to sleep.
Instead I have to clean the "sand" out of my eyes several tiles a day and often during the night as well. I may start sollecting it. After all it probably won't take but a month for me to have enough to fill in the pit hole in the road near my house.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Finally.... Numbers that make sense
I'm not sure where I found these online but someone finally got around to putting mote than facial expressions behind the 1-10 pain skale. It gies something like this:
0 - Pain free
1 - Very minor annoyance - occasional minor twinges.
2 - Minor annoyance - occasional strong twinges.
3 - Annoying enough to be distracting.
4 - Can be ignored if you are really involved in your work, but still distracting.
5 - Can't be ignored for more than 30 minutes.
6 - Can't be ignored for any length of time, but you can still go to work and participate in social activities.
7 - Makes it difficult to concentrate, interferes with sleep You can still function with effort.
8 - Physical activity severely limited. You can read and converse with effort. Nausea and dizziness set in as factors of pain.
9 - Unable to speak. Crying out or moaning uncontrollably - near delirium.
10 - Unconscious. Pain makes you pass out.
So.... Using this scale I would have to rate my chronic pain as always being between 6-8. My physical activity is always limted, it almost always interferes with my sleep, and while I can still function with effort, the mental effects of taking enough drugs to be able to function leaves me unable to write or converse afaquatly without constant corrections to my statements. Just writing this paragraph required a huge reliance on my phones spelling correction as well as numerous edits in an effort to sound coherant.
And you can forget a social life. With the exception of Thanksgiving day family gatherings and medical related appointments I haven't made itvto a social gathering in months....
0 - Pain free
1 - Very minor annoyance - occasional minor twinges.
2 - Minor annoyance - occasional strong twinges.
3 - Annoying enough to be distracting.
4 - Can be ignored if you are really involved in your work, but still distracting.
5 - Can't be ignored for more than 30 minutes.
6 - Can't be ignored for any length of time, but you can still go to work and participate in social activities.
7 - Makes it difficult to concentrate, interferes with sleep You can still function with effort.
8 - Physical activity severely limited. You can read and converse with effort. Nausea and dizziness set in as factors of pain.
9 - Unable to speak. Crying out or moaning uncontrollably - near delirium.
10 - Unconscious. Pain makes you pass out.
So.... Using this scale I would have to rate my chronic pain as always being between 6-8. My physical activity is always limted, it almost always interferes with my sleep, and while I can still function with effort, the mental effects of taking enough drugs to be able to function leaves me unable to write or converse afaquatly without constant corrections to my statements. Just writing this paragraph required a huge reliance on my phones spelling correction as well as numerous edits in an effort to sound coherant.
And you can forget a social life. With the exception of Thanksgiving day family gatherings and medical related appointments I haven't made itvto a social gathering in months....
Friday, December 4, 2009
That must have hurt
I have to admit that one of the biggest issues I have with my health is to quantify just how much pain I am in when someone inquires about it. Usually it is someone at the pain clinic and, while many of the doctors or assistants there take one glance at my facial expression and remark that I must be in a lot of pain, it is still difficult for a positive person like myself to put a number on it.
One number that tells a lot is my blood pressure. When I am in pain or maybe not hurting bad at that precise instant but have been batteling with it all night then my BP will be elivated. While I have always had ideal blood pressure at or near 120/80, the last visit to the pain clinic (one week ago) found my BP at 176/97. Despite tht billboard screaming that I was (or had been) in a lot of pain they still ask me to rate it on a scale of 1-10.
Every time they ask that I can't help but recall the joke about the three friends that were discussing the most painful thing they had ever experienced.
The first guy told of a time when he got his hand caught in a piece of machinery and it not only took paramedics hours to free him but resulted in multiple surgeries and months of painful rehab in order for him regain use of his hand and fingers. His two buddies agreed that that must have hurt a lot.
The second guy told about a time when he forgot to put out his cigarette before siphoning gas out of his car and the fumes exploded, leaving him with 2nd and 3rd degree burns all over his chest and face. It took months in the hospital burn unit and several surgeries and skin grafts before he recovered. Everyone agreed that that experience must have hurt a lot.
The final guy told of an Alaskan hunting accident when he was tired from hiking through snow all day and went to sit down beneath a large tree. He did not realize until too late that the fresh snow covered an open bear trap chained to the tree and the jaws of the trap slammed closed on either side of his butt. The first two guys agreed that his experience probably hurt the most. One of them said, "Dang! I bet that really hurt!!"
His response was, "It sure did, but not nearly as much as when I tried running away and took the slack out if the chain!!"
The point I an trying to make is that, even when I an in a lot of pain, I tend to low ball the numbers because it would hurt much more if I had my hand caught in a machine press, was suffering from extensive burns, and had just taken the slack out of that chain.
I finally found a pain scale that works fir me, however. I will post it in the next blog entry.
One number that tells a lot is my blood pressure. When I am in pain or maybe not hurting bad at that precise instant but have been batteling with it all night then my BP will be elivated. While I have always had ideal blood pressure at or near 120/80, the last visit to the pain clinic (one week ago) found my BP at 176/97. Despite tht billboard screaming that I was (or had been) in a lot of pain they still ask me to rate it on a scale of 1-10.
Every time they ask that I can't help but recall the joke about the three friends that were discussing the most painful thing they had ever experienced.
The first guy told of a time when he got his hand caught in a piece of machinery and it not only took paramedics hours to free him but resulted in multiple surgeries and months of painful rehab in order for him regain use of his hand and fingers. His two buddies agreed that that must have hurt a lot.
The second guy told about a time when he forgot to put out his cigarette before siphoning gas out of his car and the fumes exploded, leaving him with 2nd and 3rd degree burns all over his chest and face. It took months in the hospital burn unit and several surgeries and skin grafts before he recovered. Everyone agreed that that experience must have hurt a lot.
The final guy told of an Alaskan hunting accident when he was tired from hiking through snow all day and went to sit down beneath a large tree. He did not realize until too late that the fresh snow covered an open bear trap chained to the tree and the jaws of the trap slammed closed on either side of his butt. The first two guys agreed that his experience probably hurt the most. One of them said, "Dang! I bet that really hurt!!"
His response was, "It sure did, but not nearly as much as when I tried running away and took the slack out if the chain!!"
The point I an trying to make is that, even when I an in a lot of pain, I tend to low ball the numbers because it would hurt much more if I had my hand caught in a machine press, was suffering from extensive burns, and had just taken the slack out of that chain.
I finally found a pain scale that works fir me, however. I will post it in the next blog entry.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Black Friday
Most folks think Black Friday is all about shopping deals. For me it has an entirely different meaning. For me it represents trying to recover from a trip to my parents followed by a visit to the rehab facility to check on my father-in-law and then dimmer at their house.
Even though the most strenuous thing I did all day was to ride my wheelchair and eat a couple of meals the very fact that I was upright for that length of time left me in agony for most of last night and today.
It is now 9:00 in the evening and I am still hurting bad enough that I don't even feel Luke sitting up long enough toake a much needed trip to the restroom. I've been putting it off for about sn hour but the Milk of Magnesia I took earlier today is being rather insistant. I guess I need to take care of things regardless of how much pain it entails...
Even though the most strenuous thing I did all day was to ride my wheelchair and eat a couple of meals the very fact that I was upright for that length of time left me in agony for most of last night and today.
It is now 9:00 in the evening and I am still hurting bad enough that I don't even feel Luke sitting up long enough toake a much needed trip to the restroom. I've been putting it off for about sn hour but the Milk of Magnesia I took earlier today is being rather insistant. I guess I need to take care of things regardless of how much pain it entails...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Eyes glued shut
Do you remember a post a while back about my teary eyes causing my eyes to be crusted shut after I go to sleep?
Well.... Read it again. The problem seems to be pretty much a continual one now.
Well.... Read it again. The problem seems to be pretty much a continual one now.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Let's do the Time Warp again...
Something strange is happening to me. I can only assume that my medications are the culprit because sometimes they really knock me on my butt. (I have no idea why because I take the exact same meds every day with the only varience being the amount of loratab or percocet I might need. Maybe it has to do with the timing of the meds and meals...)
No, i am not developing the urge to jump to the left then step to the right (some of you will understand the reference to the title of this entry...). What i am talking about is the complete loss of chunks of time Whatever the cause, I have found myself loosing track of time and realizing that I have no idea what has taken place or even how much time has gone by.
These episodes are hard to explain but maybe an example will help. I might be watching a football game on television and realize that I suddenly have no idea how the offence has gotten the ball into the red zone.
What bothers me theist is not knowing if the problem is the meds affecting my short term memory or if it is more serious than that. Either way, it is probably for the best that I am not driving....
No, i am not developing the urge to jump to the left then step to the right (some of you will understand the reference to the title of this entry...). What i am talking about is the complete loss of chunks of time Whatever the cause, I have found myself loosing track of time and realizing that I have no idea what has taken place or even how much time has gone by.
These episodes are hard to explain but maybe an example will help. I might be watching a football game on television and realize that I suddenly have no idea how the offence has gotten the ball into the red zone.
What bothers me theist is not knowing if the problem is the meds affecting my short term memory or if it is more serious than that. Either way, it is probably for the best that I am not driving....
Thursday, November 5, 2009
This is getting old...
What can I say? My knees hurt. My back hurts. When exhaustion finally allows me to sleep it is fitfull and comes in short bursts. Almost constant pain causes me to be weepy even in my sleep and the result is eyelashes crusted with "sand" on a regular basis.
All things considered I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Today was no different than yesterday or the day before or the day before.....
All things considered I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Today was no different than yesterday or the day before or the day before.....
Sunday, October 25, 2009
How could I forget?
Until the past week or ten days, when night time temps consistantly got down to about 40, I had forgotten how much my knees hurt during the winter. It has become almost unbearable to place any weight on them and making it to the restroom is even becoming a burdon.
I did make the effort to go next door last night to have dinner with my wife and her family and, while the food and fellowship were great, I was forced to sit on my rollator because me knees just would not let me get up from their furniture (all of which is standard height) on my own.
Despite the knee pain I still stayed there until my back pain told me that I had already been sitting up for far too long and so I returned to the house. The pain kept me awake past 3:00 AM despite the loratab and percoset. .
My wife still has about a month of recovery ahead of her. I can't help but wonder how much time we will spend face to face during that time. If this level of pain keeps up then I can probably count those visits on one hand.
Being disabled and:or handicapped (I font even know how to classify myself) would be so much easier to live with if the reason fir the disability were not pain....
I did make the effort to go next door last night to have dinner with my wife and her family and, while the food and fellowship were great, I was forced to sit on my rollator because me knees just would not let me get up from their furniture (all of which is standard height) on my own.
Despite the knee pain I still stayed there until my back pain told me that I had already been sitting up for far too long and so I returned to the house. The pain kept me awake past 3:00 AM despite the loratab and percoset. .
My wife still has about a month of recovery ahead of her. I can't help but wonder how much time we will spend face to face during that time. If this level of pain keeps up then I can probably count those visits on one hand.
Being disabled and:or handicapped (I font even know how to classify myself) would be so much easier to live with if the reason fir the disability were not pain....
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
And the costs keep rising...
My wife spent 10 days in the hospital and I was only physically able to visit get twice.
Three days after she was released her dad suffered a massive stroke was hospitalized fir a week before being transfered to a rehab facility. I have yet to be physically able to visit him.
My wife is currently staying at her oarents house (she has been there almost 2 weeks) as she recovers from surgery and, despite the fact that she is virtually next door, the steps in the house combined with the low seating furniture cause do much knee pain (rising up from a low chair, sofa, or toilet) has kept me from staying over there with her or even visiting her more than a few times.
I don't know if my back pain or bad knees will ever allow me to do the things I would like to do. One thing I do know is that I will never again take for granted the things I now find difficult if not impossible.
It has been 6 months since I was able to work and a year since I was able to attend church regularily. If i weren't careful it would be so easy for depression to fill those voids in my life...
Three days after she was released her dad suffered a massive stroke was hospitalized fir a week before being transfered to a rehab facility. I have yet to be physically able to visit him.
My wife is currently staying at her oarents house (she has been there almost 2 weeks) as she recovers from surgery and, despite the fact that she is virtually next door, the steps in the house combined with the low seating furniture cause do much knee pain (rising up from a low chair, sofa, or toilet) has kept me from staying over there with her or even visiting her more than a few times.
I don't know if my back pain or bad knees will ever allow me to do the things I would like to do. One thing I do know is that I will never again take for granted the things I now find difficult if not impossible.
It has been 6 months since I was able to work and a year since I was able to attend church regularily. If i weren't careful it would be so easy for depression to fill those voids in my life...
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Cost of Disability
Anybody that knows me well at all can tell you how much my wife means to me. While we are just coming up on our 26th anniversary, we dated for 7 years prior to that which means that she has been the love of my life for 2/3 of my life.
The reason for sharing this is to shed some insight into just how "handicapped" I am.
My wife has just spent 10 days in the hospital during which time she underwent surgery. During that time I only managed 2 visits to the hospital.
Unfortunately those visits, on back to back days about a week ago, really caused a lot of pain for the next several days.
The increased pain caused an increase in pain meds which resulted in me getting "backed up" which only made the back problem worse.
So... For the past few days I have been dealing with that issue and 50+ trips to the restroom caused my knees to go on strike. Their union is demanding some down time to recover from the step in the bathroom combined with standing up from a low toilet multiplied by 50+ trips in a 2 day period....
At least my wife is no longer in the hospital.
Mobile Blogging from here.
The reason for sharing this is to shed some insight into just how "handicapped" I am.
My wife has just spent 10 days in the hospital during which time she underwent surgery. During that time I only managed 2 visits to the hospital.
Unfortunately those visits, on back to back days about a week ago, really caused a lot of pain for the next several days.
The increased pain caused an increase in pain meds which resulted in me getting "backed up" which only made the back problem worse.
So... For the past few days I have been dealing with that issue and 50+ trips to the restroom caused my knees to go on strike. Their union is demanding some down time to recover from the step in the bathroom combined with standing up from a low toilet multiplied by 50+ trips in a 2 day period....
At least my wife is no longer in the hospital.
Mobile Blogging from here.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I'd give anything...
Under normal circumstances the last place I would want to be would by sitting around in a hospital waiting room or in the room of a friend or relative.
I guess that us fir 3 reasons: time seems to go by so slowly that it stand still. There is also very little you can do for your friend or family member other than to try to cheer them up. And lastly you spend the eternity that takes place in that short visit to worry about that persin.
And right now I would give just about anything to go through that right now. My wife has been hospitalized since Rhursday afternoon ani I have only been able to visit her twice for about 4 hours each time before my pain became so great that I had to go home
Even now, almost 18 hours since my last visit, my back is hurting so bad that I can only sit up for short periods of time.
Despite how much I want to be with my wife I will probably be forced to stay home today and tomorrow just so I can be there for her when she has her surgery on Tuesday.
I guess that us fir 3 reasons: time seems to go by so slowly that it stand still. There is also very little you can do for your friend or family member other than to try to cheer them up. And lastly you spend the eternity that takes place in that short visit to worry about that persin.
And right now I would give just about anything to go through that right now. My wife has been hospitalized since Rhursday afternoon ani I have only been able to visit her twice for about 4 hours each time before my pain became so great that I had to go home
Even now, almost 18 hours since my last visit, my back is hurting so bad that I can only sit up for short periods of time.
Despite how much I want to be with my wife I will probably be forced to stay home today and tomorrow just so I can be there for her when she has her surgery on Tuesday.
Friday, September 25, 2009
I feel helpless....
My wife has been sick and getting worse for the last 2 weeks Yesterday went to the doctor and was hospitalized - something that scared her to death.
All this was made worse due to the fact that she was totally alone. I was in too much pain following a doctor's visit to go with her to the doctor or even visit her in the hospital.
I was fortunate enough to get a ride up here today but am unsure of how long I can stay before pain makes me return to the house. I may not even be here to support her when she has to make a life-changing decision involving surgery.
Don't think for a moment that my pain and disability is fake...
All this was made worse due to the fact that she was totally alone. I was in too much pain following a doctor's visit to go with her to the doctor or even visit her in the hospital.
I was fortunate enough to get a ride up here today but am unsure of how long I can stay before pain makes me return to the house. I may not even be here to support her when she has to make a life-changing decision involving surgery.
Don't think for a moment that my pain and disability is fake...
Monday, September 21, 2009
More of the same....
More insomnia
More back pain
More sciatic pain
More knee pain
More Lang teary days
More Misery all the way around....
More back pain
More sciatic pain
More knee pain
More Lang teary days
More Misery all the way around....
Friday, September 18, 2009
Misery
It has been a while since I have seen this particular movie but, if you have ever seen the movvie or read the book, there is one scene that you will never forget: the "hobbeling"...
In the movie a best selling author is in an accident and nursed back to health by a rather deranged woman who keeps him prisoner while forcing him to ressurect a favorite character that he had apparently killed off in his latest book.
As part of her efforts to keep him from leaving until he had finished his work she "hobbled" him by bracing his legs with a board and breaking both ankles with a sledge hammer. It is one of the most memorable movie scenes that I have ever seen.
What does all this have to do with? I will tell you. Any effort I make to "escape" my present situation my even getting up and around enough to take a shower and cutting my hair (a total of about 15 minutes) left my knees hurting so much that I felt like that same woman had taken the sledge hammer to me as well. My knees hurt so much for the next two days that I could barely make it to the bathroom even with the use of a cane.
I can't help but wonder what the future holds. The only thing that comes to my mind is "Misery"....
In the movie a best selling author is in an accident and nursed back to health by a rather deranged woman who keeps him prisoner while forcing him to ressurect a favorite character that he had apparently killed off in his latest book.
As part of her efforts to keep him from leaving until he had finished his work she "hobbled" him by bracing his legs with a board and breaking both ankles with a sledge hammer. It is one of the most memorable movie scenes that I have ever seen.
What does all this have to do with? I will tell you. Any effort I make to "escape" my present situation my even getting up and around enough to take a shower and cutting my hair (a total of about 15 minutes) left my knees hurting so much that I felt like that same woman had taken the sledge hammer to me as well. My knees hurt so much for the next two days that I could barely make it to the bathroom even with the use of a cane.
I can't help but wonder what the future holds. The only thing that comes to my mind is "Misery"....
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Overtime for the Piper
Well... I know that pain makes time go by slower but even so I think that piper I talked about in the past blog us getting overtime by now.
I know that I haven't helped matters by sitting at my laptop some this past week but this got real old a long time ago.
I have an appointment with the pain clinic on Thursday so hopefully we can reschedule that back procedure that had to be postponed last month.
Meanwhile I am back on the sleep Aida that don't work and only slept in 20-30 minute snatchs all night last night. I can only hope that tonight will be better...
I know that I haven't helped matters by sitting at my laptop some this past week but this got real old a long time ago.
I have an appointment with the pain clinic on Thursday so hopefully we can reschedule that back procedure that had to be postponed last month.
Meanwhile I am back on the sleep Aida that don't work and only slept in 20-30 minute snatchs all night last night. I can only hope that tonight will be better...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Time to pay the Piper
I have no idea what pipers charge for their services but I do know that I have to pay a price every time I try to get out of the house.
In this case I went next door to my in-laws house for a Labor Day cookout and, even though I spent the entire time reclined back in a recliner, the 4.5 hour trip resulted in my being in a great deal of pain (both in my back and knees) for the past 36 hours.
So... How long does this have to go on before the piper has his due?
In this case I went next door to my in-laws house for a Labor Day cookout and, even though I spent the entire time reclined back in a recliner, the 4.5 hour trip resulted in my being in a great deal of pain (both in my back and knees) for the past 36 hours.
So... How long does this have to go on before the piper has his due?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The Price of Freedom
I left the house Friday for the first time in weeks. I was forced to go to the bank as well as do some grocery shopping (if you call "sitting stationary in a wheel chair while my son ran around in Walmart with the buggy" shopping...)
We even stuck our heads into a real live restaurant - something I haven't done in close to a year. Not knowing how well the wheelchair would fit under the table, I made what turned out to be a horriable decision by choosing to walk in and use my cane. I should have known better since I hadn't put on my knee braces before leafing the house (having expected to spend the day in my wheel chair...).
The result of the trip was my back and knees hurting so bad on Saturday that I could hardly get any rest or even walk sturdy enough to make it to the bathroom and back.
I realized just how bad it was when, attempting to stand up from the toilet, my knee buckled and I almost crashed head first through the glass shower doors.
I guess it is things like that that the doctors and disability folks might find interesting....
We even stuck our heads into a real live restaurant - something I haven't done in close to a year. Not knowing how well the wheelchair would fit under the table, I made what turned out to be a horriable decision by choosing to walk in and use my cane. I should have known better since I hadn't put on my knee braces before leafing the house (having expected to spend the day in my wheel chair...).
The result of the trip was my back and knees hurting so bad on Saturday that I could hardly get any rest or even walk sturdy enough to make it to the bathroom and back.
I realized just how bad it was when, attempting to stand up from the toilet, my knee buckled and I almost crashed head first through the glass shower doors.
I guess it is things like that that the doctors and disability folks might find interesting....
Friday, September 4, 2009
Another sleepless night. Why?
On Wednesday night I took my normal meds along with one of my dwindling supply of Ambien CR and, although I woke up for about an hour around 3:00AM, slept for 9 hours. That is the mist rest I have gotten in close to 3 weeks.
Well, last night I took the exact same thing but only "slept" about 3 hours (off & on) before giving up and getting up for a while. I decided to try again about 6:30 this morning but only skeot in small bits at a time.
The only thing I can figure is that I had one remaining Ambien (not the Ambien CR) that got mixed up in with the rest of them and that must have been what I took last night.
I never realized how much I took sleep for granted until the past few weeks. I can barely stay coherant without it. Even these blogs require 2-3 edits sometimes....
Well, last night I took the exact same thing but only "slept" about 3 hours (off & on) before giving up and getting up for a while. I decided to try again about 6:30 this morning but only skeot in small bits at a time.
The only thing I can figure is that I had one remaining Ambien (not the Ambien CR) that got mixed up in with the rest of them and that must have been what I took last night.
I never realized how much I took sleep for granted until the past few weeks. I can barely stay coherant without it. Even these blogs require 2-3 edits sometimes....
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Insomnia, here I come (the rant is free...)
It has been a very dissapointing day for me. I have learned that, at best, my future consists of 13 more nights of a fairly decent night of sleep (something that cost me $60.00) followed by endless nights of only sleeping 2-3 hours nughtly - if I am lucky.
You see, it cost me $60 for 14 Ambien CR tablets to help me fall asleep and then continue sleeping despite the chronic pain that I continue to be in.
After those run out my PCP ( that stands for Primary Care Physician although I think the word "care" should be replaced with something else....) will only perscribe the same 15Mg tablets of a generic sleep aid that just doesn't work that well for me.
The weird thing is that the drug is slso available in 22.5 and 30 Mg tablets - and BCBS will cover me taking 2 a night if needed (at the huge price of $8.00 a month) and yet the doctor refuses to perscribe it.
I just have one question: How the HECK would he know? The last time I tried to see him in person (instead of one of his assistants) I made the schedule two months in advance and they "lost" the appointment and I ended up with the assistant anyway.
But I guess he thinks that sleep is over rated. Maybe I can have his answering service page him every 30 minutes starting about 1:00 AM (and do that every night for a week) and then see how willing he would be to discuss with me the need to sleep each night.
You see, it cost me $60 for 14 Ambien CR tablets to help me fall asleep and then continue sleeping despite the chronic pain that I continue to be in.
After those run out my PCP ( that stands for Primary Care Physician although I think the word "care" should be replaced with something else....) will only perscribe the same 15Mg tablets of a generic sleep aid that just doesn't work that well for me.
The weird thing is that the drug is slso available in 22.5 and 30 Mg tablets - and BCBS will cover me taking 2 a night if needed (at the huge price of $8.00 a month) and yet the doctor refuses to perscribe it.
I just have one question: How the HECK would he know? The last time I tried to see him in person (instead of one of his assistants) I made the schedule two months in advance and they "lost" the appointment and I ended up with the assistant anyway.
But I guess he thinks that sleep is over rated. Maybe I can have his answering service page him every 30 minutes starting about 1:00 AM (and do that every night for a week) and then see how willing he would be to discuss with me the need to sleep each night.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A dissapointing but successful experiment
I made a point yesterday to actually sit in front of it and use the keyboard for a while. I worked on some emails, did some online bill paying, and chatted with a friend. All together I was sitting up using the laptop for about 90 minutes.
The result of the experent was that the back pain began returning about an hour into the test and the sciatic pain teRed it's ugly head about 30 minutes later.
Both companiouns stYed with me well into the evening
Another bit of news: despite a screw up (at BCBS or the pharmacy) which resulted in me spending twice as much for only half as many pills, I obtained enough for 14 days so i actually managed to get 5 hours of sleep since 10:00 and the night is still young enough for me to try for more.
The result of the experent was that the back pain began returning about an hour into the test and the sciatic pain teRed it's ugly head about 30 minutes later.
Both companiouns stYed with me well into the evening
Another bit of news: despite a screw up (at BCBS or the pharmacy) which resulted in me spending twice as much for only half as many pills, I obtained enough for 14 days so i actually managed to get 5 hours of sleep since 10:00 and the night is still young enough for me to try for more.
Monday, August 31, 2009
How long does it take before you get bed sores?
Over the past 7-10 days I have discovered that the only way to keep my sciatic pain in check (pending that back procedure that I can't reschedule until COBRA gets their act together) is to spend 23 hours a day flat on my back. The only time I get up is to sit on the side of my bed to eat or to hobble the few feet to the restroom.
The drawback to this us that my knees ache more and, if I don't keep at least one of th bent at all times, the lower back pain really kicks in.
So.... Does anyone know how long it takes someone to get bed sores if they stay in bed all the time?
In a side note, the MRSA abcess that I have on the back of my left arm is finally coming to a head do I can drain it some and relieve some of the pressure from it. That helps relieve some of the pain as well. I probably need to get it looked at now but I may be forced to wait until my COBRA insurance cards arrive.
The drawback to this us that my knees ache more and, if I don't keep at least one of th bent at all times, the lower back pain really kicks in.
So.... Does anyone know how long it takes someone to get bed sores if they stay in bed all the time?
In a side note, the MRSA abcess that I have on the back of my left arm is finally coming to a head do I can drain it some and relieve some of the pressure from it. That helps relieve some of the pain as well. I probably need to get it looked at now but I may be forced to wait until my COBRA insurance cards arrive.
Friday, August 28, 2009
When it rains, it Pours
Just before betdime I found out that, prior to being sale to get percriptions filled or my back procedure pre-certified well apparently have to wait on new insurance cards arriving. Meanwhile I am stuck using meds that dont seem to work at all. I only got 3hrs of sleep last night and hoped, based on my cyrrent exhaustion and the additional meds I took at bedtime, that I would be out for the night I was..... For 3 hours....
To make matters worse, I now have what seems to be a MRSA Staph abcess behind me left arm. I will have to wait until the new COBRA cards arrive before seeking medical attention from thevdoctors that treated all my previous ones. By then I will probably have lost half the muscle in the back of my left arm.
Mobile Blogging from here.
To make matters worse, I now have what seems to be a MRSA Staph abcess behind me left arm. I will have to wait until the new COBRA cards arrive before seeking medical attention from thevdoctors that treated all my previous ones. By then I will probably have lost half the muscle in the back of my left arm.
Mobile Blogging from here.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wasted Month
Despith the fact that I filed a letter of intent to continue my medical insurance through COBRA when my employment at SKZ ended almost 45 days ago, the wonderful folks at BCBS of GA still haven't gotten my medical coverage renewed.
It took almost 4 full weeks for them to get the correct paperwork to me and get things set up for me to access my account correctly online and, despite the fact that I made the payments online 2-3 days ago, my coverage still isn't in effect.
What this means fio me is a lot of sleepless nights since I am forced to use cheaper and less effective meds for pain (or rather to help me sleep through the pain) at night at well as having to postpone a much needed back procedure until I can get it pre-certified with BCBS.
All this adds up to a long month of August. Despite the financial hardship it placed me in I was forced to not only pay for coverage for August (even tjough it is thr 28th and i still dont have coverage...) but also pay for September in advance just so there would be no further interruptions in my coverage.
Before ladt week I never realized how much I would miss that little blue pill I took every night.... (Not THAT pill, Silly! I'm talking about Ambien!!!)
It took almost 4 full weeks for them to get the correct paperwork to me and get things set up for me to access my account correctly online and, despite the fact that I made the payments online 2-3 days ago, my coverage still isn't in effect.
What this means fio me is a lot of sleepless nights since I am forced to use cheaper and less effective meds for pain (or rather to help me sleep through the pain) at night at well as having to postpone a much needed back procedure until I can get it pre-certified with BCBS.
All this adds up to a long month of August. Despite the financial hardship it placed me in I was forced to not only pay for coverage for August (even tjough it is thr 28th and i still dont have coverage...) but also pay for September in advance just so there would be no further interruptions in my coverage.
Before ladt week I never realized how much I would miss that little blue pill I took every night.... (Not THAT pill, Silly! I'm talking about Ambien!!!)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Change of address
It is after 6:00 AM and it is obvious that the Sand Man no longer resides at this address. Does anyone know where I can get a Change of Address Form in a cituation like this?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Will someone please pay the ransome?
Yep, Mr. Sandman has gone missing again. Due to a lapse in my insurance (still waiting, after 3 weeks, for Blue Cross to get COBRA set up...) my doctor called in a cheaper substitute to the Ambien CR that I had been taking. (can you believe that they want over $250 a bottle fir that? That's like $$8.50 per nught's sleep!!)
As you can tell, it is almost 2:00 AM and the pain is winning this arm wrestling contest. It looks like a lot of sleepless nights ahead. Maybe a percocet will even the odds some. I know the loratab I took an hour ago hasn't ....
As you can tell, it is almost 2:00 AM and the pain is winning this arm wrestling contest. It looks like a lot of sleepless nights ahead. Maybe a percocet will even the odds some. I know the loratab I took an hour ago hasn't ....
Where have all the towers gone...
The last time I got enough if a cell signal to receive a text message was 4 days ago. I feel like I am gradually loosing contact with the world. Is one lousy bar too much to ask for?
If I only had a brain....
Can someone please direct me to the Yellow Brick Road so that I can find the Wizard of Oz? Between the 60 Mg of Baclophen and the 3000 Mg of Neurontin I am thking (not to mention the Loratab 10 and Percicet 10 I am taking through the day and even during the night at times...), it is all I can do to string a sentence together - depending greatly on the iPhone's ability to auti-correct spelling.
It is difficult to even string 2 words together however. For example, when attepmting to spell the word "someone" in the first sentence of this blog entry, I tried to start the word with a "c".
Hey- when you say the name of the letter, doesn't it start with a "s" sound?
I even routinely swap one word for another. It is taking me a few weeks but I am working on a 2-page doc containing all my medical info. In it I described my pain as "secure" instead of "severe". Just what is secure pain?
If I only had a braid....
(No.... That last comment was not intentional. That us a prime example of how my brain is working at the moment...)
It is difficult to even string 2 words together however. For example, when attepmting to spell the word "someone" in the first sentence of this blog entry, I tried to start the word with a "c".
Hey- when you say the name of the letter, doesn't it start with a "s" sound?
I even routinely swap one word for another. It is taking me a few weeks but I am working on a 2-page doc containing all my medical info. In it I described my pain as "secure" instead of "severe". Just what is secure pain?
If I only had a braid....
(No.... That last comment was not intentional. That us a prime example of how my brain is working at the moment...)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Would you trade an arm for a leg?
In an effort to get dome relief fort back pain, I spent most of the last 24-36 hours laying flat on my back with my knees propped up ( to relieve the pressure from my lower back).
While this helped my back a lot ( until the next time I have to sit up for any length of time...) the awful trade off was that now my knees hurt so bad that it is excruciating to even walk to the bathroom.
I feel like I'm am forced to make a trade - get where my back is comfortable ur get where my knees get some relief. It is like being given the choice to have someone chip off your arm or your leg. What a choice to make...
In an ideal situation I would be in a hospital bed with my head slightly raised and my kneel propped up. The only problem us that, with my knees propped up like that, it is much more difficult to flex them and keep them from getting stiff. If anyone reading this has any ideas, I would love to hear from you..
While this helped my back a lot ( until the next time I have to sit up for any length of time...) the awful trade off was that now my knees hurt so bad that it is excruciating to even walk to the bathroom.
I feel like I'm am forced to make a trade - get where my back is comfortable ur get where my knees get some relief. It is like being given the choice to have someone chip off your arm or your leg. What a choice to make...
In an ideal situation I would be in a hospital bed with my head slightly raised and my kneel propped up. The only problem us that, with my knees propped up like that, it is much more difficult to flex them and keep them from getting stiff. If anyone reading this has any ideas, I would love to hear from you..
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Early wrinkles
Despite taking some meds last night that was intended to help me sleep, I still laid in bed until 4:00 AM before drifting off. Obviously that didn't last long. Pain woke me up again a little after 7:00.
While laying there counting the proverbial sleep I realized upon several occasions that, while my body was relaxed (between back spasms and the stabbing sciatic pain that hit me intermittantly during the night...), my face was not.
I guess ut was the constant pain that was causing a deep frown and an angry scowling expression on my face. Despite repeated attempts to relax my face, the expression would creep back moments later. (I guess that is how the doctor at the pain clinic can take one look at me and remark that they can see how much pain I in....)
I can only wonder hoe soon this will cause permenant wrinkles on my face...
While laying there counting the proverbial sleep I realized upon several occasions that, while my body was relaxed (between back spasms and the stabbing sciatic pain that hit me intermittantly during the night...), my face was not.
I guess ut was the constant pain that was causing a deep frown and an angry scowling expression on my face. Despite repeated attempts to relax my face, the expression would creep back moments later. (I guess that is how the doctor at the pain clinic can take one look at me and remark that they can see how much pain I in....)
I can only wonder hoe soon this will cause permenant wrinkles on my face...
Monday, August 17, 2009
Amber waves of pain
I don't have a lot to do with the "purple mountatn' majesty" but I have become very familiar with UHF "amber waves of pain" that the song writer wrote about. (time out while I correct the 16 misspelled words thus far...)
Forget it - proplc will just to have te decyfer what they get. Thank god for the auttocorrect sutocomplete feslture built into the iPhone by aple, huh. This would ge disaster without it...
As I was saying before that rabbit tail, I recognize those waves of pain as what I izvh been going through for the past few months. All if tales in an hour or so doing something as easy as using Windows clipboard th combine sourced from about 3 locations and try to consolidate that information into one place and the result is an entire night of being racked with waves of pain from mt lower back to my knees. Is igvrorth ut?
Right now I have no choice. SKC isn't interested in me returning to work there but there are still a lot of related issues that need to be addressed so that my employment termination will be proprly documented so that i will be eligible for some much needed benefits associated with COBRA. I thunk all the ducks are in a row nod bou I will have to get severay things taken care of before I can once again reschedule a much-needed back procedure.
Of course I will spend tonight paying for what I was forced to take care of thus afternoon. I may be forced to medicate myself into a stuper before the sandman grabs a tazi for this side of town .....
Forget it - proplc will just to have te decyfer what they get. Thank god for the auttocorrect sutocomplete feslture built into the iPhone by aple, huh. This would ge disaster without it...
As I was saying before that rabbit tail, I recognize those waves of pain as what I izvh been going through for the past few months. All if tales in an hour or so doing something as easy as using Windows clipboard th combine sourced from about 3 locations and try to consolidate that information into one place and the result is an entire night of being racked with waves of pain from mt lower back to my knees. Is igvrorth ut?
Right now I have no choice. SKC isn't interested in me returning to work there but there are still a lot of related issues that need to be addressed so that my employment termination will be proprly documented so that i will be eligible for some much needed benefits associated with COBRA. I thunk all the ducks are in a row nod bou I will have to get severay things taken care of before I can once again reschedule a much-needed back procedure.
Of course I will spend tonight paying for what I was forced to take care of thus afternoon. I may be forced to medicate myself into a stuper before the sandman grabs a tazi for this side of town .....
You do the Math
As I have mentioned before, the doctors really love to have you rate your Odin from 1-10. That really leaves me in a quandry as to how to do the math.
Fir example, my lower back us a good solid 4, my kneed are at a 5-6, and my sciatic pain us a constant 5 until the sharp stabbing pain hits when it immediately jumps to 7-8 before dropping back to a 5 again
So, if the doctor were to ask me again, what should I tell him. Do I average all the numbers, add them, or run some sort of new age math to factor in the 4 types and degrees of pain and multiply that by the number of hours I have been hurting and then add ATF aggrivation caused by restless leg syndrome.
Either way, it us TO DARN MUCH!!!
Fir example, my lower back us a good solid 4, my kneed are at a 5-6, and my sciatic pain us a constant 5 until the sharp stabbing pain hits when it immediately jumps to 7-8 before dropping back to a 5 again
So, if the doctor were to ask me again, what should I tell him. Do I average all the numbers, add them, or run some sort of new age math to factor in the 4 types and degrees of pain and multiply that by the number of hours I have been hurting and then add ATF aggrivation caused by restless leg syndrome.
Either way, it us TO DARN MUCH!!!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I've got tears in my ears...
When I was a young child and would be crying over some boobio or another, my mom used to quote some old song about having "tears in my ears from lying on my back crying over you..."
I can sympathize with that since I spend so much of my time lying in bed crying. Even if I manage to catch an hour or two worth of sleep I wake up feeling Luke the sandman used a snow shovel. My eyelashes regularily glued shut with crusted tears.
I am getting so tired of this.
On a side note, I was watching television today and they were discussing the clinical definition of depression. I was surprised at how familiar it all sounded.
Maybe I should go back on Cymbalta. The only problem is that it causes me to have the runs and the last thing I need, moving as slow as I do, is a daily case of the trots...
I can sympathize with that since I spend so much of my time lying in bed crying. Even if I manage to catch an hour or two worth of sleep I wake up feeling Luke the sandman used a snow shovel. My eyelashes regularily glued shut with crusted tears.
I am getting so tired of this.
On a side note, I was watching television today and they were discussing the clinical definition of depression. I was surprised at how familiar it all sounded.
Maybe I should go back on Cymbalta. The only problem is that it causes me to have the runs and the last thing I need, moving as slow as I do, is a daily case of the trots...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Where's my Worm
The old saying is that the early bird gets the worm. If that is the case, I'm ready for mine (the gummy variety , please....)
I an getting so tired of only being able to get a couple of hours of sleep before pain wakes me up and prevents me from going back to sleep.
What am I supposed to do? I already take an Ambien CR at bedtime and often chase it down with either a loritab or a percocet.
Despite me best efforts, I don't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep - with or without pharmiceudical aids....
I an getting so tired of only being able to get a couple of hours of sleep before pain wakes me up and prevents me from going back to sleep.
What am I supposed to do? I already take an Ambien CR at bedtime and often chase it down with either a loritab or a percocet.
Despite me best efforts, I don't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep - with or without pharmiceudical aids....
I feel like a sponge
Sometimes, as many as 3-4 times a week, my medications really kick my butt. Nut only dous it affect my ability to ficus but I am physically drained as well - to the point that my BP drops to 98/72 even when I am in pain.
Speaking of pain, being as laid back as a manatee doesn't keep me from feeling pain. I can't even wear my soft cotton shorts now because my sciatic nerves are so sensative thaty lesg are once again feeling scalded.
Speaking of pain, being as laid back as a manatee doesn't keep me from feeling pain. I can't even wear my soft cotton shorts now because my sciatic nerves are so sensative thaty lesg are once again feeling scalded.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
what happened yesterday?
I have no idea what happened to yesterdays post - and am too out of it to try to recreate it. I don't even remember yesterday...
I guess I would have better luck if I had been able to sleep for more than a few hours a night over the past 4 days.
Last night, for example, I took a loratab with the rest of my meds when I went to bed at 10:30. (I took a percocet about 3 jours later as well) Six hours later I was still trying to go to sleep. Once I finally did, I was sleeping so lightly that, despite wearing ear plugs and a sleep mask (and having my head under the covers...), I still woke up when Cheryl did nothing more intrusive then to walk to my side of the bed and put something cold to drink on my bedside table.
What was the problem? More of the same. My back hurt, my knees ached, and my thighs were so sensative that I couldn't even wear my soft cotton shorts.
As soon as I get this injection in my knee, I am gonna crash into bed and set the alarm for October....
I guess I would have better luck if I had been able to sleep for more than a few hours a night over the past 4 days.
Last night, for example, I took a loratab with the rest of my meds when I went to bed at 10:30. (I took a percocet about 3 jours later as well) Six hours later I was still trying to go to sleep. Once I finally did, I was sleeping so lightly that, despite wearing ear plugs and a sleep mask (and having my head under the covers...), I still woke up when Cheryl did nothing more intrusive then to walk to my side of the bed and put something cold to drink on my bedside table.
What was the problem? More of the same. My back hurt, my knees ached, and my thighs were so sensative that I couldn't even wear my soft cotton shorts.
As soon as I get this injection in my knee, I am gonna crash into bed and set the alarm for October....
Monday, August 10, 2009
I feel like mule after a long day plowing...
I haven't posted much over the weekend just to give myself a break. For the past several days I have been getting very little sleep and, to use a phrase that my dad used to use all the time, I feel like I have been rode hard and put up wet" (referring to a horse and rider I'm sure.). Since I don't move that fast, I would probably compare myself more to the way a mule feels after having pulled a plow through a 40 acre field.
To put it another way, my back is killing me and my knees feel like someone mistook me for Nancy Kerrigan. For those of you that don't remember her, she was a very beautiful Olympic figure skater who, while competing in the 1994 Olympics, had har knee smashed with a lead pipe by a man associated with one of her rivals...
The pain got bad enough during the night that I finally took 2 loratab at the same time and got enough relief that I was able to drift off to sleep. I can't make that a habit, however, because I am only supposed to take 3 a day and then take the Percocet if the Loratab don't work. On top of that, I hate taking any of the narcotics for fear that I wil get hooked on them. I will literally lay in bet in tears, sometimes for hours, before taking something for the pain. To steal from the name of a famous soap opera, such are the days of my life....
To put it another way, my back is killing me and my knees feel like someone mistook me for Nancy Kerrigan. For those of you that don't remember her, she was a very beautiful Olympic figure skater who, while competing in the 1994 Olympics, had har knee smashed with a lead pipe by a man associated with one of her rivals...
The pain got bad enough during the night that I finally took 2 loratab at the same time and got enough relief that I was able to drift off to sleep. I can't make that a habit, however, because I am only supposed to take 3 a day and then take the Percocet if the Loratab don't work. On top of that, I hate taking any of the narcotics for fear that I wil get hooked on them. I will literally lay in bet in tears, sometimes for hours, before taking something for the pain. To steal from the name of a famous soap opera, such are the days of my life....
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I feel like I've lost my right arm
It used to be a popular phrase for someone to say that they would, "give their right arm" for something. Those of us that gave had to give up a large part if who they are would never say that however.
It is bad fnough to watch TV and see folks doing something that you know that you will probably never be able to do again. These are things that a normal person does every day and takes for granted. They include running or jogging even the shortest distances, going up or down stairs without a thought, or even glancing at a ladder without a body-shaking shudder at the mere prospect at the pain involved at having to climb up or down one.
These dissapointments are obvious ones bot not the one that I am referring to. What I am referring to us the fact that is Sunday morning and I am not at church with my wife.
For those of you that don't know me well, my relationship with Christ and my involvement with church has been a Huge part of my life ever since I was a young boy. Growing up my parents took us (me & my 2 brothers) to church every Sunday morning and evening and then again on Wednesday night. We did thus not because we were supposed to, but rather because we wanted to.
Once I graduated from Hugh School in 1980 I began what was an almost uninterrupted 29 year service of teaching Sunday School class. For the past 12-14 years I worked with the teens at the church and taught lessons 3 times a week.
You see, going to church was nothing that I did out of tradition or obligation but something that I did on a regular basis to surround myself with fellow Believers, to participate in the worship of Gid, and to serve Him and follow my passion by teaching and trying to make an pact on today's youth.
All this was becoming increasingly more difficult, however, and I finally had to admit to myself that I could no longer attend church regularily like I used to much less follow my passion and calling to work with the teens.
It has been 8.5 months since then and there has only been 2-3 times that I have been up to attending church (and that was the church that is closest to my house...)
I literally feel like I have lost my right arm. Especially when my wife leaves for church ansdwaves bye to me. How is an amputee supposed to wave back?
It is bad fnough to watch TV and see folks doing something that you know that you will probably never be able to do again. These are things that a normal person does every day and takes for granted. They include running or jogging even the shortest distances, going up or down stairs without a thought, or even glancing at a ladder without a body-shaking shudder at the mere prospect at the pain involved at having to climb up or down one.
These dissapointments are obvious ones bot not the one that I am referring to. What I am referring to us the fact that is Sunday morning and I am not at church with my wife.
For those of you that don't know me well, my relationship with Christ and my involvement with church has been a Huge part of my life ever since I was a young boy. Growing up my parents took us (me & my 2 brothers) to church every Sunday morning and evening and then again on Wednesday night. We did thus not because we were supposed to, but rather because we wanted to.
Once I graduated from Hugh School in 1980 I began what was an almost uninterrupted 29 year service of teaching Sunday School class. For the past 12-14 years I worked with the teens at the church and taught lessons 3 times a week.
You see, going to church was nothing that I did out of tradition or obligation but something that I did on a regular basis to surround myself with fellow Believers, to participate in the worship of Gid, and to serve Him and follow my passion by teaching and trying to make an pact on today's youth.
All this was becoming increasingly more difficult, however, and I finally had to admit to myself that I could no longer attend church regularily like I used to much less follow my passion and calling to work with the teens.
It has been 8.5 months since then and there has only been 2-3 times that I have been up to attending church (and that was the church that is closest to my house...)
I literally feel like I have lost my right arm. Especially when my wife leaves for church ansdwaves bye to me. How is an amputee supposed to wave back?
Friday, August 7, 2009
Mr. Sandman has ben kidnapped...
After the last few days it took a lot out of me to make the 4 hour excursion
to the doctors office and back. I was so wiped out that I crashed and tried going to bed atb8:00.
Despite taking a Percocet 10 along with all my regular medication I was only able to sleep an hour before pain woke me up.
14 hours later I am still looking for the brief respite from pain that REM sleep affords....
to the doctors office and back. I was so wiped out that I crashed and tried going to bed atb8:00.
Despite taking a Percocet 10 along with all my regular medication I was only able to sleep an hour before pain woke me up.
14 hours later I am still looking for the brief respite from pain that REM sleep affords....
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I feel like a hit & run victim
I got up this morning feeling like a victim of a hit & run during the night - And the worst part is that the vehicle in question was a steam roller....... And that wasn't intended to be funny.
My back hurts so bad that I can hardly roll over or sit up in bed, even with the use of the trapeze that Carl & Chris built for me - despite taking a couple of Loratab and a couple oh 1/2 tablets of Percocet during the night.
If that weren't bad enough my sciatic nerves have been hurting so bad during the night that my thighs feel like a burn victim - one that still has someone stabbing them with a knitting needle every few minutes.
But wait, it gets even better. My back and thighs hurt so much during the night (all as a result of me being upright enought to go to SKC yesterday) that I tried not to move around too much during a sleep-deprived night. Unfortunately my knees paid the price.
How many out there have ever had to deboned a chicken or turkey and physically broke the drumstick off the thigh bone at the joint? That is exactly what my knees feel like when after either standing or walking on them more than 5 minutes a day or trying to bend them after not doing so for a while.
I call thus trifecta of symptoms a Triple Play and I get them for a minim of 24-36 hours after every "outing" to a doctors office or elsewhere.
Are my discriptions graphic? I guess they probably are - but how else would you understand what my quality of life is like? I go through a box of kleenix every week from wiping the tears from my eyes and often wake up with one or both eyes almost crusted shut with dried tears.
Doctors like to get you to measure your pain on a scale of 1-10. My constant pilain level stays between a 4 and a 6 but frequently spikes to a 8-9 when that midget stabs me in the leg or when the jolly green giant attempts
to "debone me" by wrenching my lower leg off at the knee.
So.... If you really want to imaging yourself in my position, imaging that you are hospitalized following a traffic accident of some sort. Your lower back hurts su much that you can hardly move and the outside of both thighs have suffered severe burns ( making it painful to even touch or cover up). Dozens of times a day, regardless of whether I am awake or asleep) an invisible man uses a sharp lettener opener to stab those burned areas to the bone without any warning whatsoever. If all that weren't bad enough, Hulk Hogan makes several attempts to wrench your leg off at the knee so that he can fight you with it.
To add insult to injury (the the recovery time fir these symptoms increases every time I have to leave the house without sufficient recovery time from the last excursion...) I have to go to Monroe for smother knee injection after lunch....
My back hurts so bad that I can hardly roll over or sit up in bed, even with the use of the trapeze that Carl & Chris built for me - despite taking a couple of Loratab and a couple oh 1/2 tablets of Percocet during the night.
If that weren't bad enough my sciatic nerves have been hurting so bad during the night that my thighs feel like a burn victim - one that still has someone stabbing them with a knitting needle every few minutes.
But wait, it gets even better. My back and thighs hurt so much during the night (all as a result of me being upright enought to go to SKC yesterday) that I tried not to move around too much during a sleep-deprived night. Unfortunately my knees paid the price.
How many out there have ever had to deboned a chicken or turkey and physically broke the drumstick off the thigh bone at the joint? That is exactly what my knees feel like when after either standing or walking on them more than 5 minutes a day or trying to bend them after not doing so for a while.
I call thus trifecta of symptoms a Triple Play and I get them for a minim of 24-36 hours after every "outing" to a doctors office or elsewhere.
Are my discriptions graphic? I guess they probably are - but how else would you understand what my quality of life is like? I go through a box of kleenix every week from wiping the tears from my eyes and often wake up with one or both eyes almost crusted shut with dried tears.
Doctors like to get you to measure your pain on a scale of 1-10. My constant pilain level stays between a 4 and a 6 but frequently spikes to a 8-9 when that midget stabs me in the leg or when the jolly green giant attempts
to "debone me" by wrenching my lower leg off at the knee.
So.... If you really want to imaging yourself in my position, imaging that you are hospitalized following a traffic accident of some sort. Your lower back hurts su much that you can hardly move and the outside of both thighs have suffered severe burns ( making it painful to even touch or cover up). Dozens of times a day, regardless of whether I am awake or asleep) an invisible man uses a sharp lettener opener to stab those burned areas to the bone without any warning whatsoever. If all that weren't bad enough, Hulk Hogan makes several attempts to wrench your leg off at the knee so that he can fight you with it.
To add insult to injury (the the recovery time fir these symptoms increases every time I have to leave the house without sufficient recovery time from the last excursion...) I have to go to Monroe for smother knee injection after lunch....
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
the end of an era
Let me begin by stating that I have been in almost constant pain for the past few days despite all the meds and even the narcotics I have been taking. Despite the fact that I was already in pain and didn't really feel up to it, I had a meeting this morning with my former employer to cover questions I had revolving COBRA, LTD, SSI, and other disability and insurance issues.
The meeting was very pleasant but the HR Director rushed through the info because it was apparent to her that even sitting up in the wheelchair was causing me increased back and sciatic pain.
So.... It looks like I have closed the door on not only a 6.5 year employment but probably on my career and ability to work as well.
It was a difficult dat physically as well as emotionally. Keep me in your prayers.
The meeting was very pleasant but the HR Director rushed through the info because it was apparent to her that even sitting up in the wheelchair was causing me increased back and sciatic pain.
So.... It looks like I have closed the door on not only a 6.5 year employment but probably on my career and ability to work as well.
It was a difficult dat physically as well as emotionally. Keep me in your prayers.
it's been a long night
It is past 4:00AM on 8/6 and I am still awake. Despite all the neuro tin and muscle relaxers I normally take at bedtime, I also took an Ambien CR - and yet the intermittant stabbing pain in my thighs kept me from sleeping.
The worst is that this seems to be a pattern that repeats itself 3-5 times a week. The lack of sleep only makes my ability to talk or write coherentky only worse....
The worst is that this seems to be a pattern that repeats itself 3-5 times a week. The lack of sleep only makes my ability to talk or write coherentky only worse....
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Start of a Journey
I have to take a deep breath right now and hang my head for a moment. The preparation for this moment has been long in coming, but something that i have been avoiding and not acknowledging for as long as I can. The journey in question: the realization that my health problems have reached the point that I may never be able to return to work again.
For years now I have been plagued with chronic back pain and, even more recently, severe knee problems caused by the need for a new left knee. While I am undergoing treatments for both of these issues, neither problem is anything that can be solved quickly. While three orthopedists have told me that there is nothing they can do for my knee but replace it, I have also been told that I can't get one for another 3 years (replacement knees have a life span of 15 years or so and the doctors don't want to have to perform a 2nd replacement in the same patient....) and until I loose at least 150 pounds - something that is almost impossible to do with my thyroid condition, medications causing weight gain, and an inability to exercise.
Meanwhile, I have had a neurosurgeon and 2 different orthopedists state that there is no surgical option that can relieve my chronic back and sciatic pain and that my only relief will come from long term pain management - both narcotic as well as a continuing treatment of epidurals and nerve blocks. I'll exound on these later I imagine.
So, like someone taking that first step in an AA meeting and admitting that they have a problem, I am taking my own deep breath and admitting for the first time that my name is David and I am disabled.
For years now I have been plagued with chronic back pain and, even more recently, severe knee problems caused by the need for a new left knee. While I am undergoing treatments for both of these issues, neither problem is anything that can be solved quickly. While three orthopedists have told me that there is nothing they can do for my knee but replace it, I have also been told that I can't get one for another 3 years (replacement knees have a life span of 15 years or so and the doctors don't want to have to perform a 2nd replacement in the same patient....) and until I loose at least 150 pounds - something that is almost impossible to do with my thyroid condition, medications causing weight gain, and an inability to exercise.
Meanwhile, I have had a neurosurgeon and 2 different orthopedists state that there is no surgical option that can relieve my chronic back and sciatic pain and that my only relief will come from long term pain management - both narcotic as well as a continuing treatment of epidurals and nerve blocks. I'll exound on these later I imagine.
So, like someone taking that first step in an AA meeting and admitting that they have a problem, I am taking my own deep breath and admitting for the first time that my name is David and I am disabled.
Aug. 4. 2009
Now that I have gotten all the background stuff (or at least most of it) out of the way, it is time for a "normal" entry.
It has been a very long and painful past 10 days. I have been "out and about" far too much what with Carl's wedding back on the 25th and 4 different doctor's visits last week including an injection in my left knee and a back procedure of Friday.
In the midst of all that, I got word that my employment at SKC was no longer something I needed to worry about (I'm a glass half full kind of guy... LOL) so stress was also a factor.
The accumulative effect of me having to get out every couple of days didn't really give me any time to recover much and I ended up having to postpone today's doctor's appointment because of the extreme pain I was in during most of the night and into the morning. I'll have to make it up later this week.
It has been a very long and painful past 10 days. I have been "out and about" far too much what with Carl's wedding back on the 25th and 4 different doctor's visits last week including an injection in my left knee and a back procedure of Friday.
In the midst of all that, I got word that my employment at SKC was no longer something I needed to worry about (I'm a glass half full kind of guy... LOL) so stress was also a factor.
The accumulative effect of me having to get out every couple of days didn't really give me any time to recover much and I ended up having to postpone today's doctor's appointment because of the extreme pain I was in during most of the night and into the morning. I'll have to make it up later this week.
Get caught up...
First and foremost, forgive any misspellings or gramatical errors in this and furher blog posts. The massive amount of medications I am on make it very difficult to concentrate enough to spell properly or keep from rambeling and repeating myself - and it is only fair, if you care enough to read these posts, that I be honest with you enough to share with you the effects that this is having one me. I have had a college level reading and writing ability since elementary school and love to write as a hobby - but this is getting increasingly more and more difficult due to the mental affects I am suffering due to the medications.
Luckily doing things such as starting this blog is made easier because most of what I do "on the computer" now is actually done via my iPhone and from lying in bed. Sitting upright for long enough to check email and make blog entries on a dialy basis would cause me the same amount of pain as if I were doing coomputer related stuff at work. If I could sit at a laptop for this long, I could and certainly would have returned to work....
Back Issues: The first weekend of December in 2006 I suffered an herniated disc in my back. To make a long story short, the herniation only exagerated the existing problem I had with a narrowing of the pathways that the nerves are in within my sipne (called stenosis) and I ended up undergoing several injections in my spine before finally undergoing surgery to inplant a spinal cord stimulator in my back. This makes me feel as if I am sitting on a bibrating pilow but coveres my entire bosy from my waist to my toes. Depending on the severity of the pain, it does a good job at limiting the sevirity of the pain I am feeling or masking it entirely. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be as effective now as when it was first implanted. More on that later.
After getting the implant I returned to work and did great for a few months before the accumulating effect of me sitting upright all day began to cause an increassingly amount of pain once again. I returned to the pain clinic and began, without realizing it at a time, a routine of getting treatments for my back avery 4-5 weekss for the next year. The issue with my back has reached the point where I cannot stand for more than 5-10 minutes (and that is really pushing it..), sit up for more than 60-90 minutes, or even recline back on pillows or a recliner for more than 2-3 hours before my lower back begins to really hurt nad the sciatic pain begins to intensify.
The sciatic pain is the worst. At times it feels like I have been sliced to the bone from the hip to the knww. Other times (quite often, as a matter of fact) the nerves in one leg or another are so sensative that I can't beat to have a sheet much less clothing of any kind to touch my thighs. The most severe pain, however, comes any time I have been upright for more than an hour or so and it feels as if a midget has snuck up behind me and stabs me to the bone with a sharp knitting needle. When that happens I cannot help but to jerk and yell out - something that often wakes me and my wife up at night.
During the course of all this the pain level kept increasing to the point that it was becoming more and more difficult for em to work a 40-hour week. Finally, the first of May of 2009, I once again was placed on disability by my doctors and eventally was terminated from my job at SKC.
As a side note about that - I bear no ill will towards SKC for making that decision and have continued a very codial relationship with the folks I worked with there. They are a great group of people that I wish nothing but the best for.
Knee Issues: If the problems with my back weren't enough, being up and around following my return to work really aggrivated an existing problem I was having with my knees (especially the left one) and my mobility issues have progressed through these steps over the past 18 months:
Luckily doing things such as starting this blog is made easier because most of what I do "on the computer" now is actually done via my iPhone and from lying in bed. Sitting upright for long enough to check email and make blog entries on a dialy basis would cause me the same amount of pain as if I were doing coomputer related stuff at work. If I could sit at a laptop for this long, I could and certainly would have returned to work....
Back Issues: The first weekend of December in 2006 I suffered an herniated disc in my back. To make a long story short, the herniation only exagerated the existing problem I had with a narrowing of the pathways that the nerves are in within my sipne (called stenosis) and I ended up undergoing several injections in my spine before finally undergoing surgery to inplant a spinal cord stimulator in my back. This makes me feel as if I am sitting on a bibrating pilow but coveres my entire bosy from my waist to my toes. Depending on the severity of the pain, it does a good job at limiting the sevirity of the pain I am feeling or masking it entirely. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be as effective now as when it was first implanted. More on that later.
After getting the implant I returned to work and did great for a few months before the accumulating effect of me sitting upright all day began to cause an increassingly amount of pain once again. I returned to the pain clinic and began, without realizing it at a time, a routine of getting treatments for my back avery 4-5 weekss for the next year. The issue with my back has reached the point where I cannot stand for more than 5-10 minutes (and that is really pushing it..), sit up for more than 60-90 minutes, or even recline back on pillows or a recliner for more than 2-3 hours before my lower back begins to really hurt nad the sciatic pain begins to intensify.
The sciatic pain is the worst. At times it feels like I have been sliced to the bone from the hip to the knww. Other times (quite often, as a matter of fact) the nerves in one leg or another are so sensative that I can't beat to have a sheet much less clothing of any kind to touch my thighs. The most severe pain, however, comes any time I have been upright for more than an hour or so and it feels as if a midget has snuck up behind me and stabs me to the bone with a sharp knitting needle. When that happens I cannot help but to jerk and yell out - something that often wakes me and my wife up at night.
During the course of all this the pain level kept increasing to the point that it was becoming more and more difficult for em to work a 40-hour week. Finally, the first of May of 2009, I once again was placed on disability by my doctors and eventally was terminated from my job at SKC.
As a side note about that - I bear no ill will towards SKC for making that decision and have continued a very codial relationship with the folks I worked with there. They are a great group of people that I wish nothing but the best for.
Knee Issues: If the problems with my back weren't enough, being up and around following my return to work really aggrivated an existing problem I was having with my knees (especially the left one) and my mobility issues have progressed through these steps over the past 18 months:
- Using a cane whenever I had to do much walking such as at work or church
- Using a cane even to get in and out of a house, and avoiding stairs if at all possible
- Using a cane every time I am upright - even small trips like from my bed to the bathroom
- Using a rolling walker (called a "rollater") to visit my doctors and such
- Having to be pushed in a wheelchair any time I will have to travel more then the shortest distances
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