I have to take a deep breath right now and hang my head for a moment. The preparation for this moment has been long in coming, but something that i have been avoiding and not acknowledging for as long as I can. The journey in question: the realization that my health problems have reached the point that I may never be able to return to work again.
For years now I have been plagued with chronic back pain and, even more recently, severe knee problems caused by the need for a new left knee. While I am undergoing treatments for both of these issues, neither problem is anything that can be solved quickly. While three orthopedists have told me that there is nothing they can do for my knee but replace it, I have also been told that I can't get one for another 3 years (replacement knees have a life span of 15 years or so and the doctors don't want to have to perform a 2nd replacement in the same patient....) and until I loose at least 150 pounds - something that is almost impossible to do with my thyroid condition, medications causing weight gain, and an inability to exercise.
Meanwhile, I have had a neurosurgeon and 2 different orthopedists state that there is no surgical option that can relieve my chronic back and sciatic pain and that my only relief will come from long term pain management - both narcotic as well as a continuing treatment of epidurals and nerve blocks. I'll exound on these later I imagine.
So, like someone taking that first step in an AA meeting and admitting that they have a problem, I am taking my own deep breath and admitting for the first time that my name is David and I am disabled.
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